Much Ado About Mello
by Pomodoro Crisi
Summary: Much Ado About Nothing with a Death Note twist. I couldn't resist. MattxMello NearxBeyond LxLight Still had a Death Note plot just mixed with Shakespeare.
1. Act 1 Scene 1

**Yeah I realize i have no life if I'm doing this but I was bored in drivers ed and had a bunch of colorful pens and a blank notebook and it was just begging me to write it! So here it is!**

**Much Ado About Mello**

**Act I Scene I**

[Light, L, Matt and Ide in the play room of Wammy's]

**Ide:** Watari is coming back from the store, L-san. He's pulling into Wammy's now.

**L:** [eating cake] That's fantastic. Did anyone die per chance?

**Ide: **Well…no. Did you want anyone to?

**L:** Not particularly, but it could have led to an interesting investigation…and some crying…maybe some more cake…

**Ide:** Umm…alright then… [scared]

**Matt:** [playing PSP] Don't worry about him, my brother is a bit odd sometimes. Can you tell me if Mihael is alight anyway?

**Ide: **I don't know anyone named Mihael. Are you sure you have the right name?

**Matt: **[not looking up] Of course I do. I'm a genius you know.

**L:** She…ah, _he _means Mello-kun. Crazy, blond, addicted to chocolate.

**Ide: **Oh! Yes he's just fine. Thought he was a girl though…I wanted to ask her out.

**Matt:** He could be one. In fact he was one in a past life, and a future one. And Sims 3.

**Ide: **…OK? [uncomfortable]

**L: **Matt-kun and Mello-kun don't get along all the time. They are best friends but they feel the need to act as if they hate each other. I believe it to be love.

**Ide:** Oh…Look! They're here. [runs for the exit]

[Enter Watari, Mello, Beyond, Aizawa, Soichiro, and Mikami]

**Wat: **It's nice to see you L-san.

**L: **Did you buy any tea? Maybe some more ice cream?

**Wat: **Of course. Don't I always?

**L:** No, sometimes it's cookies.

**Wat: **Right…Well this is Beyond. I found him in an alley. [pushes Beyond up front]

**B: **[to L] Do you have any jam? Preferably of the strawberry variety?

**L:** I'll ask Near to bring some down. [to Light] Find Near and tell him to bring some jam.

**B: **Strawberry jam.

**L:** Yes.

**Light: **[aside] I'll find the Death Note and kill you as well. Or maybe just tie you up like last night… [chuckles]

**L: **What was that Light-kun?

**Light: **Nothing L. Be right back. [runs up the stairs]

**L:** [to Watari] How is Mello-kun? Matt-kun was worried that he had fallen into a ditch or tried to eat someone for touching his chocolate.

**Matt: **I was not. I simply asked if he had been killed. You're the one who brought up the idea of death in the first place you psychopath. You know Mello loves his explosives, his lovely scar is proof of that.

**Mello:** Just like we all know that you love video games and their proof of your inability to face reality.

**Matt: **Just because you try and disguise it with being a dick, doesn't mean that we don't all know you love me.

**Mello: **We both know that it's you that loves me, Matty. Sims 3 said so.

**L: **Mello-kun that is not real life, it does not count. Unless you enjoy being a girl and if so I assure you we will pay for the surgery necessary to become one.

**Mello:** Of course not. Though I'd be damn sexy as one.

**Mikami: **I'll say.

**L: **[to Watari] Who is that? And those other two strange men?

**Wat: **That is Mikami. He was talking to himself, so I brought him back. I'm not sure about the other two, but they keep speaking about some Killa so I figured they'd be good company.

**Matt: **You have a lot of problems, don't you?

**Mello:** You're here, aren't you?

**L: **Indeed he is. And he does.

[Enter Near and Light holding jam]

Nice to see you back Light-kun. Near-kun, please give that jam to the man who is strangely similar to myself.

**Near: **[silently hands Beyond the jam]

**B: **Thank you Nat…ah Near-kun. [slurps jam from jar]

**Light: **[aside] Why do we let Watari bring back such odd people?

**Mikami: **[to Light] Hey there handsome. Come here often?

**Light: **Uh…I live here. Who the hell are you?

**Mikami: **You're dream come true, God.

**Light: **Uh-huh… Well I'm just going to hide somewhere with Ryuk… [escapes the epic rape of failure]

**Mikami:** God?

**Matt: **Why am I surrounded by psychopaths? I'm gonna go find some dinner. Anyone coming?

[all leave but Mello and Beyond]

**Mello:** Do you want to live with Near? You were watching him as if he were some T.V. show.

**B: **And you were flirting shamelessly with Matt-kun. What's the point?

**Mello: **Because L will let you if you ask Watari.

**B: **Let me what?

**Mello: **Let you guys live together. Be roommates. Otherwise you'll end up with Mikami.

**B:** I believe I will be fine with Teru-kun. I'm certain that he is no threat to me. His numbers are low anyway, though they are strange things, those numbers.

**Mello: **Right…I'm telling Watari anyway.

[Watari comes back]

**Wat: **Mello-san, Beyond-san, please come up for dinner. [seeing the jam on Beyond's shirt] And a change of clothes.

**Mello: **Can Beyons room with Near? Mikami seems like he would be better on his own.

**Wat: **I don't see why that would be a problem if Near agrees. I shall ask L at dinner.

**B: **Mello-kun would like to with Matt-kun, it would make Mello-kun very happy.

**Wat: **I shall ask L of that as well. [walks upstairs]

**Mello: **Jackass

**B: **I am not a donkey Mello-kun.

**Ok so I'm doing the Shakespearean language because it doesn't fit any of the characters and I just really can't write like that. But I'm going to try and stick to the main story of _Much Ado About Nothing_ as possible so if I make some huge mistake and I don't catch it tell me please. And try and guess who's who. It's fun and i hope it's obvious...**


	2. Act 1 Scenes 25

**I thought it'd be easier to just throw these 3 together because they're so short on their own. took forever since I had to make up some stuff as I went after half of scene 4. But still it's really fun to write this! And yeah I know that Much Ado About Nothing has only 2 scenes and not 4 but it worked better like this so please don't get mad about it.**

**Much Ado About Mello**

**Act I Scene II**

Matt, L, Light, Near and others, like Matsuda, that no one cares about sitting in a cafeteria

**L:** Matt-kun you need to stop playing games in front of the new people. It's rude.

**Matt: **So is sitting with your feet on the table, but no one ever stopped you before.

**L:** Touché. But we are not discussing myself at the moment.

**Matt: **Yes, but I don't want to be a topic of conversation so kindly shut the fuck up.

**Light: **How about you both shut up so we can get this over with and I can play Mario Cart with Ryuk?

**L:** Who is Ryuk Light-kun?

**Light:** Uhm…my cat? Yes, my cat!

**L:** When did you get a cat? I have never seen one in our room before. And how does it play Mario Cart?

**Light: **[awkward] I just get him yesterday. And obviously he uses his paws.

**Matt:** Light is clearly lying since cats don't have the coordination to play video games. I've tested them.

**Light: **Whatever, Matt. Near, do you enjoy Beyond's company?

**Near: **Yes Light I guess you could say that. I do not bothersome in anyway.

**Light:** Good. He's sharing your room then.

**L:** Light-kun, _I_ was supposed to ask him if he _wanted_ to share his room, not if he was bothered by the man.

**Light: **Well, it's too late now. Oh, and Matt, you're sharing with Mello.

**Matt: **Oh how will I ever contain my excitement at having to share a room with an over emotional, blond, she-male?

**L:** I'm sure you'll manage to keep it inside. You always do.

[Mello, Watari, Beyond come in, followed by Mikami, Aizawa, and Soichiro who stay by the door]

Beyond-kun, you may stay in Near-kun's room.

**B:** Alright. Do you have any more jam? The extra I saved earlier was taken by Watari-san.

**Mello: **That's because you saved it on your shirt.

**B:** Waste not, want not Mello-kun.

**Mello:** Want not being the only phrase of importance.

**L:** Can we eat our dinner? The cake is getting cold and chocolate warm.

**Matt: **And we all know if Mello can't snap his chocolate she'll try and kill someone.

**Mello: **I'm not a girl, _Mattie_, though you clearly are. Your shirt is too big to simply be a shirt. I bet you're hiding boobs under there.

**Matt: ** L's and Beyond's shirts are baggy as well, are they girls now too?

**Mello: ** Of course not. They aren't feminine enough, you, on the other hand, are.

**Matt: **At least I don't dress like a Vegas showgirl. Really, must you wear all that leather?

**Mello: **You're just jealous you can't pull it off.

**Matt: **No one wants to pull that crap off you more than I do Mello.

**Light: **Then you can do that later tonight, Matt. Mello, you and Matt are sleeping together.

**Mello:** Fantastic. I can barely contain my joy.

**L: **Yes we all can tell.

**Scene III **

Back by the door of the cafeteria

**Mikami: **We need to bother them, scare them. I need to have it so that God will be forced to sleep with me. That means getting him away from L.

**Soi: **Did you know that some people believe that Kira is a god?

**Aiz: **Yes, I did. That must mean that Light is Kira!

**Soi: **No! He can't be! He's like a son to me!

**Aiz:** You just met him this afternoon…

**Soi: **Of course I didn't. I watch him shower all the time.

**Aiz:** How did I manage to get myself mixed up with someone like you again?

**Soi:** You just walked up to me and started calling me chief and I thought it would be fun to boss someone around so I let you follow me around. I'm gonna set up my cameras. [leaves]

**Mikami:** Hey Aizawa. [gesturing to Mello] Can you go tell that little girl that Beyond is a killer and to pass it on?

**Aiz: **Sure thing. [skips away]

**Mikami:** Now with everyone suspicious of Beyond, I'll kidnap Near and which will allow me to get God to fall in love with me…somehow…

**Aiz: **All done boss!

**Mikami: **Alight, best to tell Near as well. [to Near] You're new roommate is a cold blooded murderer. He'll kill you if you let him sleep in your room.

**Near:** I'm sure he'll be punished for his crimes should he truly kill me.

**Mikami: **You're not scared?

**Near: **Fear is irrational.

**Mikami: **You're not fun at all kid.

**Near: **On the contrary, I play with toys all the time, those are quite fun.

**Mikami:** That's…good for you.

**Near: **Very. [walks away]

**Mikami: **I say we do something else as well. How about we tell Beyond that Near hates strawberry jam?

**Aiz: **What if he asks for proof?

**Mikami: **I'll think of something.

**Scene IV**

Light and L in their bedroom

**L:** I believe Matt-kun and Mello-kun are in love.

**Light:** That has been obvious since Watari lured Matt here with a Gameboy attached to a fshing rod.

**L:** Well we should force them to admit their feelings.

**Light: **Have you been reading my romance novels?

**L:** Quite possibly.

**Light: **And how do we get them to do that?

**L: **Well in "The Care and Feeding of Pirates" the woman refused to admit that she loved the man until he was buried underground and almost died. Perhaps we get Matt-kun trapped somewhere and claim that we can't reach him and that he may be dead.

**Light: **I'm pretty sure that wouldn't work very well. There aren't many places here that Mello can't get in and none of them involve the risk of dieing.

**L: **Then ask someone else. I'm really no good with emotions.

**Light: **Ah, that's not how everything went last night. I clearly remember you screaming in pleasure and admitting that you loved me every five seconds.

**L: **And that's how it will be tonight as well, but I meant other people's emotions, not my own or those of the people I am sexually involved with.

**Light: **Then why bring them up?

**L:** Because being with the one you love brings one a feeling of elation and both Matt-kun and Mello-kun could use a bit of elation.

**Light: **They _were_ taken in by a possible pedophile.

**L: **Watari is no such thing. Now Mikami seems to be.

**Light: **Don't even bring that man up. He disturbs me in ways I've never even thought existed before. He should be considered a cause of death, then I could use him to kill you and I wouldn't need to worry about either of you anymore.

**L:** You disturb me immensely.

**Light: **Thank you.

**L: **I also believe you to be a murderer.

**Light: **You can't prove that.

**L: **Not yet but if anyone goes missing mysteriously I shall be blaming you.

**Light: **And how do you intend to keep me under surveillance while you investigate?

**L:** The handcuffs from last night shall work fine for constant supervision.

**Light: **And will make sex a hell of a lot harder.

**L: **There will be no sexual intercourse whilst you are suspected of murder.

**Light: **But think of the role play games!

**L: **I shall do no such thing.

**Light:** Spoil sport.

**L: **Just shut up and kiss me Murderer-san.

**Light: **My pleasure, Great Detective L-sama. [kisses L]

**Scene V**

Matt and Mello's bedroom

**Matt: **Mello-chan, could you kindly get the fuck off my bed so I can sleep?

**Mello:** I could but then I wouldn't be bothering you so I'm going to have to decline the request.

**Matt: **Do I need to cut your clothes to get you to move?

**Mello: **I dare you.

**Matt: **[taking scissors from his desk] I'll do it, I swear to Zelda.

**Mello: **Zelda is not some kind of deity so swearing to him does nothing to back up your ridiculous threat.

**Matt: **He is a deity to me. [pouting]

**Mello: **Pouting is just another way of cheating Matty.

**Matt: **It's only cheating if it works.

**Mello: **Then it's definitely cheating. [gets off the bed to stand in front of Matt] And you should be ashamed of yourself for it.

**Matt: **Thank you for leaving my bed alone. I hope you have a good time sleeping on the couch.

**Mello: **Oh I won't be sleeping there.

**Matt: **Well you won't be sleeping with me in my bed and I refuse to be kicked from my own bed.

**Mello: **Aw don't worry, you wont be alone. I'll make sure you're comfortable.

**Matt:** What are you talking about Mello?

**Mello: **Nothing, just go to sleep.

**Matt:** You better not try anything funny.

**Mello: **I'm the least funny guy here.

**Teehee just try and guess what Mello's going to do! It'll be epic and probably give me nightmares thinking about it! **


End file.
